Where There's Smoke (1997) by Simon Beckett

Author:Simon Beckett [Beckett, Simon]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Tags: UK
ISBN: 9780340685938
Publisher: Coronet Books
Published: 1996-12-31T16:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 13

At times during the next three weeks Kate would feel an almost superstitious distrust of being so happy. It would come over her without warning, a pessimistic conviction that this couldn't last, that there would have to be a price to pay. Then the feeling would pass, a brief cloud over the sun, and she would be caught up again in the pleasure of the present.

The sex had quickly improved. Alex was an enthusiastic if not experienced lover, and they coupled like eager teenagers, delighting in each other until both of them were sore and aching. It seemed strange at first. Even after almost four years, Kate found that her body remembered the contours and smell of Paul. He had been heavier and hairier than Alex, with a blunt, bludgeoning approach she had at first mistaken for passion, before realising it was only selfishness.

But it didn't take long before the tactile memories of her former lover were supplanted by the new.

They didn't go out often. Kate would hurry home at night, open a bottle of wine and start chopping- meat and vegetables. Alex would go to her flat straight from work and they would cook the meal together in an intimate awareness of the other's presence. Sometimes they would prolong the anticipation until afterwards, but often their clothes would be scattered over the floor, and they would make love while the pots bubbled unnoticed on the cooker.

There were times, though, when Alex would fall into a quiet mood, lost in some internal world. Kate liked watching him then, seeing his face take on an unguarded, almost melancholy cast. But while she enjoyed being able to study him in these moments as she would a picture, at her leisure, there was also a muted sense of exclusion. Once he looked up without warning and caught her watching him. For an instant his face seemed blank of recognition, and in a weightless second of panic Kate felt a sudden conviction that she didn't know him, that this was some stranger. Then he blinked and smiled, and was Alex again.

"What?" he said.

Kate went over and hugged him. "You were miles away. What were you thinking about?"

"Nothing much. Just miles away, like you said."

The moment had passed, but not without leaving a faint trace of itself, diminished but lingering like the smell of coffee in a room. To dispel it, Kate asked something she had been meaning to for some days. "Why don't we go to your flat sometime?"

Alex hesitated. "Why?"

"Because I'd like to see where you live. You know, see if you're messy or tidy. What sort of books you've got."

"I can tell you."

"It isn't the same. What's the matter? Are you hiding something there?"

It was meant as a joke, but Alex didn't laugh. "No, of course not."

She felt a rekindling of unease. "Why not, then?" she asked, serious now.

"It's just…" He was frowning, not looking at her. Then he sighed. "Well, it's a bit of a dump, that's all. I haven't bothered doing anything to it, because I wasn't planning on staying there very long.

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